6 Facts About Reed Brennan
by eyeslikeashowroom
Summary: oneshot. sorry i know the title says 6 facts, but the spacing screwed up and it's actually way more than that now.


She doesn't know why she misses Thomas, but she does. She really, truly does, and she's not sure why. Thomas lied to her, and he hurt her. She can never really be sure if all the things he told her were true, if he really loved her, if he was going to stop dealing, if he had really told his parents all about her. There has always been that feeling she was missing something when she was with him, that there was something underneath the surface of him that wasn't quite truthful. She hadn't trusted him, and therefore, she hadn't trusted herself with him.

He had made her loose control. That was unacceptable.

Thomas wasn't the guy to trust. Reed knew that, and yet she had trusted him, and when he died, she had cried and lied to everyone when they asked her if she was all right.

No. She was not all right. She never would be.

But she played the part of the grieving girlfriend, like she was supposed to. And whenever she was alone at night, those times when she really let herself go and feel what she needed to feel, she realized it wasn't just a part. She did miss him. But then she always asked herself, why? What did he really give to her? Besides the good feelings of lust and sex and passion? Besides that brief, bittersweet taste of love?

And what killed her, was that she didn't know.

She's deathly afraid of Noelle, though she'd never admit it. She almost breaks down crying sometimes, in Noelle's presence. She can't control it, and that is scary, almost scarier than her fear. She almost feels like Noelle knows what she does, knows the things she makes Reed feel. Noelle makes her go weak at the knees, makes her forget whatever she's trying to say or think, makes her want to flat out run away.

It's always been like that.

But they're friends, and she knows she shouldn't feel like this. Noelle has always been there for her, despite those few months when Reed was in a living hell because of the beauty. Noelle's strong and powerful, and she gets things done. She's _effective_. And sometimes Reed is grateful for that, that she has that type of authority on her side.

But then sometimes, like almost every day, it scares her to death.

She'd never tell Noelle that. She'd get teased forever, and "glass-licker" would be back, with a whole crap load of other nicknames. She'd rather cower in silence and solitude. Noelle scares everybody, anyway.

But Reed thinks her fear is much, much worse.

She had always been fiercely jealous of Kiran, ever since the first moment she laid eyes on her. She hated her effortless grace, her beauty, her poise. She envied it, and she wanted it for herself, and sometimes Reed thought she would do anything to get it. She knew she couldn't get pushed too far to the edge, because then she'd loose it, just like Ariana did. And she couldn't very well envy Kiran from behind bars, now, could she?

No. But was that a good thing or a bad thing?

She had to stop herself sometimes, when she got those dark thoughts. There was a part of Reed, deep, deep inside of her, that was really a jealous, bitchy, merciless teenage girl, just like rest of them. But, unlike the rest of them, Reed kept it hidden, and she made sure that she kept it hidden very well. No one would ever guess. No one would ever know.

But she knew, and that was almost pushing it too far.

It almost made her happy. Despite her clothes, despite her upbringing, maybe she really did belong here. The only difference between her and the others was that she envied secretly, and never did anything about it.

The only difference between her and Ariana was that she didn't have the guts to be a murderer.

Reed had wanted to be like Kiran, But, sadly, there was nothing she could've really done. So she had sat there, and wished and dreamed that someday she'd be half of what Kiran was like. She had thought that maybe eventually she could work herself up to that potential.

She had also thought that Kiran would never notice the clothes that were mysteriously lifted out of her closet.

She thinks that if Ariana ever came back and begged, she'd forgive her. She'd actually forgive her. Reed could understand, even if it was only a small part of her, how it felt to be controlled by passion and jealousy, and how it felt to almost be pushed over the edge. The only thing about Ariana was, she actually had been pushed over the edge. She'd forgiven Noelle, and Kiran, and Taylor, hadn't she? They had also had a hand in it, had tied up Thomas, tortured him. Ariana was just the one that had dealt the final blow. The only thing Reed didn't know if she could forgive was the fact that Ariana had almost killed her, too.

But who knew? Sometimes she surprised herself.

She doubted she would ever see Ariana again, but if she did, she wasn't quite sure what she would do, just knew that she would probably forgive her. Ariana had been a great friend, (while she hid her murderous ways) and Reed would never forget that, nor dismiss it. Despite the girl's creepy, clear blue eyes, despite the chill Reed had felt around her. Despite the things she'd said, the things she'd done. And so what, Thomas was dead, by Ariana's hands. And so what, Ariana had almost killed her.

And so what, Ariana scared her.

She doesn't think she's ever hated anybody as much as she had hated Ivy Slade. She hasn't been so afraid of anybody, either. Not Noelle, not Ariana, not Kiran. Nothing could compare to the hate she had felt towards the girl, before they became friends. Ivy had killed Cheyenne, and it hadn't affected her, and that made Reed Brennan very, very scared.

She was always getting in close with the murders, it seemed.

Sometimes Reed looked at Ivy, noticed her beauty, noticed her grace, noticed the way Josh hung on her arm, along with her every word. And then the hate came rushing back, and Reed had to hold it in, like vomit rising in her throat. It was unpleasant, and she always needed to get it back down. Ivy had taken Josh. She had _taken_ him, and she had _kept_ him.

Like a trophy.

Reed never wins.

And she thinks that Ivy knows about her feelings, a little bit. Because when they're fighting, or when Ivy is being particularly unpleasant, Reed can see the malice starting to rise in her eyes, the hatred and the cruelty.

And just like Reed, Ivy has her own vomit to keep down.

Reed thinks she must be pretty spineless, to be frightened so easily. Sometimes when she's alone at night, she thinks of Noelle, and then she thinks of Ivy, and sometimes, on those nights when she's feeling _particularly_ alone, she shivers. And then she thinks of Ariana, who is behind bars, and then Thomas, who is lying dead in the ground because of her.

All these things scare Reed.

And suddenly, scary movies and ghost stories aren't the scariest things she thinks about anymore.

The things that scare her most are all the things done behind closed doors, in _private_.


End file.
